The Best Man Read online

  My throat suddenly felt tight. My confusion had hit an all-time high tonight when Samuel had finally allowed whatever it was between us to break free. He might have regretted it, but it was there. Neither of us would be able to deny it anymore. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I was still inexplicably tied to Samuel. And whether he wanted to be or not, at least a part of him was attracted to me in the same way. And now Nick...This sweet man was sitting here in this van declaring that he wanted me to be a part of his life? I shook my head to try to make sense of my jumbled emotions.

  “I’m leaving to go back to Florida. I’ll only be here another week.”

  “I know.” Nick shrugged. “I’m leaving too. I’ll likely be traveling for the better part of the next year. But I think it’s worth trying, Em.” He turned his eyes to me then. “You are one of the coolest chicks I’ve ever met. I don’t think you have any idea how beautiful you are, inside and out. You’re tough as hell, too. I think it’s unfortunate we had to meet again when we were both under time constraints. But I’d like to keep in touch and see what could come of this...”

  I searched his face, waiting for a spark of...anything...to light in my chest at his words. Hope? Possibility? Excitement? My eyebrows dropped when I realized I was still so tangled up in knots over Samuel that I couldn’t even fairly consider what it was that Nick was suggesting. It saddened me to know that my feelings for another man were blocking my chance for happiness with this one. Nick wanted me. Samuel did not.

  Eager to chase my confusion away, I looked deeply into Nick’s eyes and tried my hardest to find the connection I needed to loosen the binds Samuel had on me. Nick took my desperate gaze as an invitation and leaned close. I could tell then that Nick would kiss me. I wanted him to. Quickly I pulled my hand from his grasp and ran it lightly up the side of his neck, behind his ear. I let my fingers cup the side of his head, under his hair, and I directed him to come nearer. I sighed when his soft lips met mine.

  Nick’s kiss was deliberate and slow. His mouth warmly covered mine, and we fit together wonderfully. With my eyes shut tight, I contemplated the texture of his hair under my hand. He exhaled and smelled like cinnamon. His lips caressed mine in a way that wasn’t awkward or strange. It felt familiar and nice.

  Nice.

  Nice?

  Nick pulled back when I sighed again. I didn’t want nice. I wasn’t sure what I needed, but “nice” wasn’t going to cut it. He smiled and looked at me. Suddenly, I released my seat belt and surprised him by turning to sit sideways on his lap between his chest and the steering wheel. I pushed my hands into his hair and tugged his face back to mine.

  Nick got the idea immediately. His hands pressed into my back, and he brought me tightly against his chest. He groaned and angled his head, teasing my mouth with his tongue and meeting my desperation with an eagerness I appreciated. I tasted his lips and pushed myself closer, trying to crawl into him to escape the persistent force that felt like invisible hands pulling me away. I think I might have growled in frustration. Nick’s hands left my back. One moved up to tangle in the hair at the back of my neck. The other moved purposefully around my hip and under the front of my sweater. We were both breathing heavily as our lips and tongues moved together, and I concentrated on how the new aggression made me feel. Even with his warm palm wrapped around the side of my ribs and his thumb carefully brushing the bottom of my breast...his kiss didn’t bring the spark of electricity I had felt when I was with Samuel.

  I stiffened when I realized where my thoughts had taken me. I was comparing him to Samuel. It wasn’t fair, and suddenly I just wanted to cry. Nick noticed when I stopped responding. He broke our kiss and looked at me for a minute before kissing me softly once more, trying to bring me back to the moment. I felt miserable. I placed both of my hands on his chest and looked at him sadly. Nick searched my face until he apparently found what he was looking for. He closed his eyes with a groan, and he let his head fall back onto the headrest behind him.

  “Fucking Dalton,” he muttered under his breath. Shocked that he saw through me so easily, I pulled myself from his lap and sat in my own seat once more. I twisted my hands together in front of me, but I couldn’t bring myself to pretend I didn’t know what he was talking about.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whispered. Would I ever run out of apologies for this boy?

  “Does he even know?” Nick asked. He left his head tilted back, but he turned his face and opened his eyes to look at me. There was no harsh judgment in his gaze, only a weary resignation.

  “No.” I shook my head. “It’s not like that. For him...” We sat in silence for a minute.

  “Em?” Nick asked with a deep voice. I turned and looked at him again.

  “Yes?”

  “Will you do me a favor?”

  “I...can try,” I offered. I felt I owed him something for his kindness if nothing else.

  “Keep my number. Please.” He gave me a soft, sad smile from where he sat. “Just in case Samuel doesn’t pull his head out of his ass and realize what a lucky bastard he is.”

  “Okay.” I nodded, feeling wretched for the lie. I hoped someday if Nick and I crossed paths again, we could be friends. He was an amazing person. His only fault was one he could never overcome. He wasn’t Samuel Dalton.

  I smiled my thanks to Nick and stepped out of his van. The door closed heavily behind me, providing the sound of another goodbye and failed attempt to find something that might make me forget about my feelings for Samuel.

  I trudged upstairs like a robot, undressed, and washed my face before tumbling into bed. My thoughts continued to plague me. I was suspicious, suddenly, that maybe Samuel was the real reason none of my attempts at relationships had ever worked out. Surely, it was easier for me to try to get along normally with someone else when Samuel was across the country. But with him near, it was impossible. It seemed very clear to me that I had always somehow compared the men I was with to him, and every one of the small group had been found lacking. I pulled my pillow over my head and yelled my frustration into the soft fibers.

  For the second night in a row, I tossed and turned because of Samuel. I fretted that I might never be able to find a man I could allow myself to be happy with. Eventually, I worried myself to sleep. And somewhere in that slumber, I found myself pressed against a tree with Samuel’s lips melded to mine once more. I could feel him. I could taste him. I writhed on my sheets, desperate for my dream not to end the way reality told the tale. Unfortunately, my imagination couldn’t create a happy ending for me. “This is wrong,” I heard him echo through the sleeping recesses of my mind. I woke in the morning feeling empty inside.

  With my music turned up so loudly I couldn’t hear the surf beside me, I forced my feet to carry me swiftly down the sandy beach. The harder my heels dug into the sand, the more my muscles burned, the easier it was to force myself to concentrate on something besides the turmoil of emotions that had caused me to get yet another lousy night of sleep. I was so wrapped up in my own world of thought and motion, I was completely taken off guard by the feel of a hand gripping my shoulder from behind. I screamed in fear, flinging my arms to the side to ward off my attacker, and twisted my leg beneath me in the process. I turned as I fell and landed on my ass in the sand. “Shit, Emmy.” Andy stood there, out-of-breath and looking down at me with apology. My earbuds had loosened during my tumble, and I could finally hear him. “I’ve been yelling your name. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “My music was loud...” I mumbled. I accepted his hand up and brushed the coarse sand from the back of my track pants.

  “I had to run like hell to catch up to you.” Andy shook his head. “Running from demons this morning?”

  “You could say that,” I agreed wryly. I tested weight on my turned leg and found my ankle to be a little sore. Instead of picking up a jogging pace, I opted to walk instead.

  Andy strolled beside me.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming for a run? I wou
ld have joined you.”

  “I didn’t want to wake you,” I said.

  “Well, I saw your dad at the firehouse, and he told me you were down here. I hope you don’t mind.”

  “You know I don’t.” I turned a small smile up in his direction, and he nodded and returned the gesture.

  “I wasn’t sure. You’ve been avoiding me.”

  “I haven’t. I had things to do with my dad yesterday,” I lied. He didn’t technically need me to tag along with him, but it had been a nice diversion from my worries.

  “So...wanna tell me what the hell happened at the party between you and Sammy?” Andy asked. I huffed and rolled my eyes before turning them to stare at the sand in front of us.

  “What did Samuel say happened?” I hedged.

  “He told me that he kissed you.”

  My feet tripped me up a bit, and I stopped to look up at Andy. “He did?”

  “Yep. Let’s just say...the night got pretty interesting after you left.”

  “What happened?” I asked curiously, walking once more.

  “If I tell you, will you fill me in on your side of things?”

  “Yes.” I nodded. I was a little shocked Samuel had disclosed anything to his brother about what had happened between us. I was interested in finding out what was said.

  “Right after you left with Nick, Samuel came out of the woods looking all fucked up.”

  “Huh?” I asked.

  “Aside from a rather obvious handprint across his face, he was just...out of it. I am not sure I’ve ever seen him so pissed.”

  “He was pretty mad at me.”

  “No, Emmy. He was mad at himself. And he was completely enraged when he found out you left with Nick.”

  “I don’t understand.” I frowned. Andy sighed beside me.

  “I asked him what happened. He told me he kissed you, and he felt like shit about it. I mean, you should have seen the way he was beating himself up.”

  “I can imagine,” I muttered. I could still hear the self-derision in his voice.

  “He said you hit him...and that he deserved it. He thought he was protecting you from being taken advantage of. And then he, himself, was the one who did the very thing he was trying to keep you protected from.”

  “Christ,” I moaned. “He makes it sound like he attacked me. Andy, he kissed me. I kissed him back. That was it!”

  “Then why did you hit him?” Andy asked. I dropped my head and gnawed my bottom lip. Truth time.

  “I hit him because...he didn’t want to kiss me,” I whispered. The hole in my chest burned around the edges while I said the words out loud. “I wanted it. I’ve wanted it for so long. It hurt to know he didn’t.”

  “Em? I can guarantee you that if a guy ever kisses you, it’s because he wants to. You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do.”

  “He literally told me it felt wrong,” I groaned with my fingers splayed out in front of me. “While he was kissing me, he told me it was wrong! Do you have any idea how that made me feel?”

  “Ouch.” Andy sucked air through his front teeth and frowned. We walked for a few minutes down the beach in silence. “Em, I think I can understand a little how he feels. I’m sure he didn’t mean it the way it sounded.”

  “I don’t know how else to take it.” I shook my head stubbornly.

  “Think about it,” my best friend implored. “All his life, he’s thought of you as sort of a kid sister. Then he comes home, and he sees you’re not the same little girl he left behind. If you are somehow moving into some other category in his mind, don’t you think he might be a little freaked out about that? I mean, he probably feels like some creepy pervert for kissing you. Not to mention the whole ‘trying to protect you’ thing. I’m sure there was a whole lot of ‘wrong’ swimming around in his head. Sure, it was stupid for him to say that shit out loud. But it might not be as bad as what you think.”

  “I’ve never thought of him as a brother,” I admitted.

  “What kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t know that already?” Andy put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side. “Do you think I never noticed the way you looked at him?”

  “Was I that obvious?” I asked.

  “To everyone but Samuel,” Andy laughed lightly. “But I thought you moved past all that in high school.”

  “I thought so too,” I whispered. “I tried...”

  We were back at our vehicles, and Andy leaned against the front of my dad’s truck. He folded his arms over his chest and stared out at the beach.

  “I can’t lie and say I’m not shocked,” he told me. “I didn’t think you still had feelings like that. And I certainly didn’t imagine that Samuel would...” Andy shook his head and left the sentence hanging.

  “You said the party got interesting?” I rerouted the conversation. Andy smiled.

  “Samuel threw back a few drinks. When Nick showed up, Samuel was half drunk and decided to take his foul mood out on him.”

  “Oh no.” I frowned.

  “Nothing too bad happened.” Andy shook his head. “Samuel made some shitty comment to Nick. Nick told him he was a moron for not knowing what a good thing he could have. Sammy shoved him. I grabbed Samuel and told him Nick was right. Then I apologized to everyone and drove his drunk ass home.”

  “Where is he today?” I asked.

  “Hiding.” Andy smirked. “Strangely enough, he made plans to spend the day with our father. He offered to go with Dad to help at the diner. I think he’s just trying to lay low.”

  “Oh.” I had nothing better to offer. I had done the same thing the day before. Apparently, we employed identical methods of avoidance.

  “So, don’t let him keep hiding,” Andy said. I looked up at him to try to figure out what he meant. “He’s obviously trying to figure out his feelings right now. Help him.”

  “I don’t know how,” I said. “I think he might have certain feelings for me. But he certainly doesn’t want to have them.”

  “Change his mind.” Andy looked firm in his opinion. I licked my lips and kicked the gravel under my toe. “You guys are telling me your final plans for the competition tomorrow. Maybe when that’s over and done with, Samuel will be in a better frame of mind to consider the possibilities.”

  “I’m not sure...” I mumbled.

  “You won’t know if you don’t try,” Andy argued. “I’m on your side here. I mean...if you really care for him. How perfect could that be for me? Two of the people I love most in the world? I could count on you to always take care of each other and keep each other happy even when I’m not around. It would be awesome.”

  “You’re getting ahead of yourself,” I said sternly. “You don’t know what’s in his head right now.”

  “You’re right. I don’t.” Andy grabbed my hand and held it between his. “But you don’t know either. And you won’t know until you just ask him. He’s a lawyer, for Pete’s sake. Present him with the facts and let him figure this shit out. You’ve had these feelings for years. He’s got some catching up to do. Maybe he just needs some time.”

  “What if he decides he doesn’t want me?” I asked quietly.

  “Then he’s an idiot,” Andy said decisively. “Just promise me, before you leave, you’ll let him know how you feel. Tell him. Give him the chance to know what he’d be missing, at least. He might surprise you.”

  I took a deep breath and considered Andy’s encouraging gaze. I tried to borrow the optimism I saw there, but it wasn’t enough to chase away my doubts. Still, I couldn’t deny him.

  “I promise,” I whispered.

  I was thankful we had separate vehicles to drive home. I needed some time to think about the conversation we’d shared on the beach. My promise to Andy felt bitter on the back of my tongue. But deep down, I knew he was right.

  When I was a young girl, my feelings for Samuel could never amount to more than secret fantasies and fairy tales. Now, I was finally in the position to act on the des
ires of my heart. But I hesitated, afraid of facing the same disappointment that had stung me time and time again. Samuel obviously felt at least some level of attraction for me. I would never know if that could turn into more unless I were willing to take a chance and try.

  Samuel might not return my feelings. There was a very good chance he would turn me away. However, without that confirmation, I might continue to hang on to all the stupid “what-if’s” that were prohibiting me from being happy with someone else. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to completely move on unless I knew for a fact we would never be more than friends. I would have to tell Samuel how I felt. He would take the knowledge and use it to tighten the ties between us—or cut them loose and set me free. One way or another, it needed to be done. I owed it to myself to be honest for once. I wouldn’t lie to myself any longer. And though it might hurt in the end, I didn’t want to lie to Samuel either.

  I promised Andy I would talk to Samuel sometime before I returned to Florida. I just wasn’t quite sure when I would take that plunge. As it stood, we had successfully avoided each other for two days. That gave me very little time to work with. And then I had to deal with the whole “nerves” issue as well. I wasn’t nearly as brave as my best friend gave me credit for. I could still remember with perfect detail the last time I considered letting Samuel know how I felt about him. He left for college, and my words were left unspoken.

  Andy lugged the last of Samuel’s suitcases down the front steps, walking beside his brother. I watched him throw his weight back and twist at the waist to toss the heavy rectangular piece of luggage into the trunk of his brother’s car.

  “It’s going to be weird with you gone,” Andy said while Samuel reached to slam the trunk down over his stowed items. I stood with my thin canvas shoes getting soaked through by the morning grass at the curb.

  “Don’t go trying to steal my room when I’m away,” Samuel teased.

  “Yeah, right,” Andy scoffed. “I’ve got the best room anyway.”